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04/19/2003 Archived Entry: "Scott Ott Cracks me up."

SCOTT OTT CRACKS ME UP

U.S. Finds Iraq Contractor with No Political Ties
(2003-04-19) -- The U.S. government has awarded a $7.9 Billion contract for the redevelopment of Iraq's oil industry to the only company it could find that had no political connections.

The White House, under pressure from Democrats to avoid awarding bids to major campaign donors, located the contractor in rural Howard, Pennsylvania.

Bob Yoder, of Howard, who runs a small engine repair shop, salvage yard and "groundhog mitigation service", said he'd do his best to get Iraq's oil industry "up and humming again."

Mr. Yoder has never contributed to any political campaign and has never voted in an election.

"Between the engine shop and shooting groundhogs, I really don't have time for politics," said Mr. Yoder. "My old lady and I are excited about this deal because we've never flown in an airplane before."

2nd Saddam Half-Brother Caught, Total Now One
(2003-04-18)-- U.S. Special Operations forces arrested a second half-brother of Saddam Hussein yesterday. The U.S. plans to combine him with another half-brother caught recently and put them on trial as one entire brother.

"It all adds up," said U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. "A half-brother here, a half-brother there, and soon you've got the pieces of an entire crime family. By the way, we hope to find half of Saddam Hussein as well."

Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti, arrested yesterday in Baghdad was Iraq's chief of intelligence.

"It might be hard to develop a case against him," said Mr. Rumsfeld, "since we have little evidence that the Iraqi regime was acting with any kind of intelligence.

Blix Announces Farewell Tour of Iraq
(2003-04-17) -- Hans Blix and his band of U.N. weapons inspectors announced today a 27-city Iraqi Farewell Tour. Mr. Blix, whose recent travels in Iraq drew massive media coverage even though he didn't perform, said he's excited about the prospects of this new gig.

"The Iraqis seemed to love us last time," said Mr. Blix. "After all, we spent a lot of money and left the country exactly as we found it."

All the above were written by Scott Ott. Scott's blog is written as a series of news releases which just double me over. Although they are funny in themselves, they really make sense if you've read the current newspaper articles that form the basis for his satirical writing.

If you want to read more of Scott Ott's musings, "News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher," you can find him on Scrappleface >>>> CLICK HERE