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04/23/2003 Archived Entry: "THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU DON'T ASK"

THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW IF YOU DON’T ASK

“We have a shortage of pajamas around here”, so it was said last night and reiterated again this morning. “Nothing but winter flannel pj’s in this house”, said a plaintive voice. “I can’t stand up in the summer ones I have or they fall to my ankles. They are ready for the rag bag!” Ah…mere mention of the rag bag and I know these are desperate statements.

This was a moderate emergency of sorts. It wasn't a REAL emergency as we've experienced before. Heck…pajamas never wear out and are perfectly fine until you have to make that emergency run to the hospital and then it’s panic time. No matter how hard you look, there never is a pair for such emergencies…except for maybe the pair with partial elastic that happens to be in the laundry. These were more in the category of causing possible arrest before we made it two blocks to the hospital.

But that was just a projected emergency that flashed through my mind.

And, then we have THE bathrobe that is covered with ink residue from reading the morning paper. After a while it looks more like the paper than the paper since it carries with it all the latest scoops from USA Today, the Indy and the Salina Journal. When he moves it's like the latest news flashing on the canopy above Times Square.

This all looks like a disaster ready to happen and I really start to pay attention.

Now you have to know that he doesn’t often shop for things such as this, or at least he hasn’t for a long time. Things just magically appear in his drawer when the time seems right for new ones…but it was apparent his personal shopper has fallen down on the job. He was talking about his “in between” wardrobe…right smack in the middle between the winter flannel variety and the torrid summer heat short legs and sleeves variety.

As he headed out on his shopping venture, I suggested Penny’s would have a good assortment of reasonably priced “durable” pajamas, with good elastic. Just the kind he was looking for. With all the assurance of a veteran shopper, he headed out to find his favorite spring/fall model…cool, crisp cotton with long sleeves.

After looking around on his own and finding none, “some nice lady” suddenly sidled up to him. He said she was “very helpful” which makes me a little suspicious that good looking male pajama shoppers are an easy target for women who pretend to be pajama clerks. Right? She quickly informed him that the only style Penny’s carried was flannel pajama bottoms. Only bottoms, no tops. That confused him. How can they be pajamas if they don’t have two parts? He told her he thought he was too old for the one piece styles. Maybe age is a factor but I think he wanted a more complete outfit. Something more stylish. Classy. Studly.

So, he described again what he was looking for and guess what? They had no pajamas. None. Only those “bottoms”. There were no pajamas. None of those easy to acquire items that senior citizens call pajamas which would be something to cover both the top and bottom. Part One and Part Two that come in sizes A, B, C, D and E. All nicely folded with straight pins holding everything neatly in place. Nada.

He was informed that Penny’s only carry pajamas at Christmas time. How incredible! He said he was desperate and couldn’t wait until Christmas…or even one more day. I can only surmise that every man in the country who wears pajamas, and granted, most don’t, must get an ample supply of whatever-kind-of-pajamas-they-like-or-don’t-like at Christmas time so as to last until the following Christmas.

That has to be the most brilliant strategy ever on the part of Penny men’s wear buyers but pretty tough on the one guy in the world who doesn’t get pajamas at Christmas time.

He persevered, found what he wanted and cancelled the emergency.