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04/29/2003 Archived Entry: "WALLMART IGNIGION PATROL"
WALMART IGNITION PATROL
I don’t go to Mallwart often, for the same reasons none of us should, but yesterday I popped in there for a couple of hard to find items. Going there is always an experience. Walmart seems to breed its own culture. There is a life-style among the shoppers and employees that seems unique to me.
Almost always I encounter someone standing there alone talking to himself/herself. Women seem to be the worst about uttering self-musings. Standing there all alone in front of an array of “some puzzling display” from which they have to make a single selection, I listen to the internal debate they have going on in their heads. “Let’s see…ummmmm, this is cheaper, no, ummm, it’s got onions, ugh, what the heck is trisodiumbiarbonatedtriglycerides? ah…well, Bob’s okay with that…but ohhh pretty package….more meat in this one, microwavable, it says…." And the grunts and groans that emerge are collectively humorous. I stand there taking it all in, smiling like a mule eating briars. I guess that makes me one of them.
Walmart ought to have a little reserved corner of their store devoted to single individuals who talk to themselves. They can gather there with other single shoppers who talk to themselves. Then as their numbers increase, they can go hand in hand to shop and talk with each other.
They could merge with the ones who insist on helping you with everything. Always helpful, they roam the store looking for someone who needs assistance. They don’t wear Walmart apparel so beware as they come in all kinds of ready-to-wear disguises. Remember the little old lady who provides free and unsolicited services for the hearing impaired? (Check my archives for the entry on February 28th, 2003.)
Yesterday I had a new adventure at Mallwart. It came in the form of the checkout lady. With no one other than me in her line, she nicely and very cleverly created an opening to gently admonish me about what I have dangling from my car keys. It seems that the small billfold that I have attached to my keys should be removed BEFORE I insert the key in the ignition… because she learned that from her husband. I could tell she’d had the lecture from him in a form more stern than I was now receiving from her. She was helping the elderly with her newly acquired automotive information.
She said her husband knew all about those things and now she knew too and was happy to share that hard-to-get information with me. It seems that the weight of my billfold, which I didn’t think was significant, will damage the ignition and soon I will need to have it repaired...the ignition that is…and where will I find someone to do that? Whew! I donno…it never crossed my mind.
So as to not let this important piece of information die with my ignition, she continued. “See? You have that thingy that connects your keys to your billfold…lemme show you (she relieves me of my billfold and car keys for her demonstration)... what do you call this clippy thing?... and where did you get it, at a hardware store? …and anyway, you can just remove your billfold from it like this (and she starts her demonstration) and it releases like this (she does it twice to reinforce her point) and you can put your billfold somewhere else (she placed it on the counter in front of me), then reconnect it after you turn your engine off and remove the key (she took my billfold off the counter and reconnected the various parts). See how easy that would be, she said, and you won’t ruin your ignition.
I thanked her for all that good information, and asked that she also extend my thanks to her husband. Now I have to avoid the same checkout woman next time as I'm sure she's part of the "Walmart Ignition Patrol" and my picture is in her deck of cards. Violators will have some consequences to suffer and I suspect one ought to avoid experiencing that at all cost.
I know. This is one of the frustrated Walmart women who never got into their management trainee program. She was actually very nice and deserves to be in management, in my opinion.
I got all that free information just by being a Walmart shopper. That store and the people in it amuse me. Nice, just amusing. There’s probably nothing you ever wanted to know that you couldn’t learn from some shopper among the masses of people just waiting to impart information on the unsuspecting bystander.
Stay tuned. There is bound to be more.
Replies: 1 Comment
Peg, I laughed my butt off at this story. I can just envision it happening, just as you decribed. Thanks for sharing!
Deneen
Posted by Deneen Shively @ 04/30/2003 12:39 PM CST